I can't help feeling sad today.
Bro would always go out late on his bike.
At around 10.
and be back around 1.
Sometimes i just wished he'd be back later in the morning.
Cause i need some privacy time.

But today.
Looking at the hall.
It all seems too empty.
I felt so empty inside.
How i wish bro would come back at this time.
Safely at home.
Asleep.

I felt like crying.
Cause i know he's in the hospital.
Lying there with a dislocated arm.
I pity him alot.
He used to be so ignorant.
But lately.
He just seemed sweet.
Everytime i think of him lying there all alone.
I start to weep.
Dear Brother.
I wished u were home.
I wished i could take over ur place and be the one lying there.
It pains me to have my own brother at the hospital.
Not when he's been so good to me. :'(

Bro..
I wish u all the best for tommorows OP.
I hope u get well soon.
And get to ride that fav bike of urs again!

Missing you...

CP,
a.k.a Sis.
Signing out.

During our trip back.
Me and Ecah looked at the clouds.
When we were kids,
we would try figuring out what each shapes are.
Lions. Tigers. Etc.
Ya.
But when i looked at it today.
I kindof felt lost.
All the cloud just seems CLOUD.
Gasses of air. whatever it is in scientific terms.
But it all just seems too rational.
I didnt get to see the animal shapes when i was a small kid.
Age do affect ones thinking..
To the extent our imagination?
i kind of felt mature.
Too mature.
i felt kind of adultsy.
It all felt too weird tho.
i want to be feeling like a little kid.
i want to be able to imagine.
over the slightest things.
i gather.
when we stopped fantasizing.
we stopped believing.
and it happened to me.
i stopped looking at clouds the same way i did when i was a kid.
so..
things just changed.
i gathered up my thoughts and tried very hard to make animal shapes out of it.
though it still looked cloudy.
at least at the end of the trip.
i could see an alien with wings. LOL!
it kind of felt funny.
but i liked the feeling.
it makes me appreciate the simplicity of life.
of tiny weeny things that made each of us happy.
:))
also..
it helps to keep on believing in stuff.
cause it all happens when we believe.
thus when we stopped believing...
stop having faith...
watever things which seems sweet might have already been lost.
SO..
memo to all.
Keep that faith alive eh...

P/S: Pray for my brother eh... die accident! ahhh...
sedih...


CP,
Signing out.

dialah insan pertama yang pernah bertakhta di hati...
dia jugalah insan pertama yang banyak membuat airmata ini dititiskan..
kehadirannya membawa sinar dalam hidupku..
namun sinar itu hanya sementara...
ku dihimpit rasa pilu...
rasa sedih..
rasa duka...
kerana di saat dia berikan madu...
di situ juga terselitnya racun yang berbisa...
bagaimana bisa hadiah ini aku lupakan?
hadiah dan kehadirannya yang telah banyak merubah hidupku...
membuat aku serik untuk bercinta...
membuat aku serik untuk membuka hatiku untuk sesiapa...
aku menjadi takut..
takut kepada ketidaktentuan...
ketidaktentuan yang berupa hati manusia..

yang pada lafaz awal menyatakan sayang...
dan kemudiaannya sewenang-wenangnya berkata lafaz tadi hanya satu kesilapan..
bagaimana harus aku terima?
sedangkan dia berada di kala aku kegelapan...
tetapi hilang di kala hidupku mula di suluh cahaya...

singkat waktu ku mengenalnya.
namun...
namanya tetap tersemat dijiwa..
gambarnya bisa membuat aku menangis...
bertemunya pula bisa mengguris...

Ya Allah...
aku berharap satu hari nanti..
hati ini akan diubati..
buat masa kini..,
biarlah aku sendiri...,



CP,
Mengundur diri.

We tend to conform someone into something tat they arent.
let say i'm a madrasah student. i must be someone religious.
well, conformity is a good thing.
as long as it does not hinder ourselves into being us.
does not make one a hypocrite.
good changes are good.
but to be doing stuff to please people is just plain annoyance.
its a complicated world out there.
it has been so and will always be so.
we cant change what people expect us to be.
but at the same time, we should always know what we want.
what matters most is making ourself and people we love happy.

this stigma or schema tat we haf are not absolutely correct.
we may feel afraid of going to juvenile centres..
we may even feel afraid of going to the prison becos we expect them to act as potrayed.
its trues some should be feared due to their actions but at the same time,
some are there becos of circumstances.
circumstances made them bad.
when they are actually a good person.
understand what i'm trying to say?
we can't label a person as a bad apple just becoz he/she has done something bad.
whats past is past.
give them some room to repent.
maybe, just maybe if we try to listen more..
to accept more...
we can create a better surrounding not only for ourselves but also the community.

humans need sharing.
sharing helps them de-stress.
it helps to not be selfish for a bit and listen.
caring does not make us less a human.
it encourages friendship and opens our heart to love. never to hate.

in this world,
where people are too busy. with no time to spare.
friends and family matters a lot.
they help us to overcome every obstacle and gives us the courage to move on!
to excel.
i would'nt be here if not for my family and best friends support.
:)) my heartfelt gratitude.

wat more, life is short.
its better to love.
than hate.

P/S: stop this stupid annoying. irritating. kezaliman. kekejaman. LAH IS****! i just read yesterdays paper. a beautiful kid, merely 7 of age. buried under the rubble by u guys stupid intention of expelling terrorists! p mAM~ ah eh! Theres no place in this world for 'animals' like you guys!

CP,
signing out.

IT's a tad to late to be talking about wat had happened during 2008.
Well. who cares rite. haha!
2008 has been a very intriguing year for me...
it has in fact been wonderful with its many ups and downs of course.
wat saddens me in 2008 was the fact that i grew fatter. LOL!
but it has been a journey well travelled.
with the sudden returned of friends from the past...
and current friends being more appreciative then ever.
what more could a gurl ask for rite? :)
bummer though being the drop in my results. but.. so what?
i've been soo balloon headed by my results that i find myself a little lazy to study.
tulah...sape suruh.. kan.kan.kan.
But alhamdulillah...
it has been a very meaningful year.

WAH~~
i'm thankful jap tadi.
tibe2 firefox ku mati eh.
slmt blog automatically saved.
if not....
akfjasdhfvsdnfmcdfkcsmcfksjmfj!!!
hahahah!

oh ya...
i think, becos of my cheerful mood...
i can't think of the sad thing or uneventful stuffs wic happened.
short term memory ke aku ni?
hahaha!
watevar it is.
ku appreciate ape yang aku ada sekarang..
very.very.very much.
Alhamdulillah...
happy sangat2 dengan life.
in the next 8 months, dah nak grad~ :))
tapi ada orang tu grad dulu...
CONGRATS lahhh~~ :P

hoping 2009 will become a more meaningful year.
with maturity as its core contents.
and of course, happiness.
oh~ Allah. make me a happy person! :)
and of course, i hope to be a better person with loved ones always by my side!
i hope that i can contribute to the community and most importantly my family!
:) and of course be a better muslimah.
i hope u love me :)
kkk..
tak penting.

sok dah nak alek ukm.
journey to education shall begin again...
rasa macam sedih.
cepat sihhhh...
haiz!
Allah help me overcome this sadness...
it will all be over soon.
life is just but a continuous journey...
it will end in a bit.
it'll be best if we realize that it is just short.
and it'll be wasted if not taken seriously.
much more if it is filled with meaningless stuff.

kla....
CP,
Signing out.
MISS YOU GUYS, DUDES AND DUDETTES.